Monday, September 21, 2009

What should I do now?

Lately, I've been thinking about my being single-blessedness. I've been single for two years now since my last relationship. I'm missing to have a special someone. I'm missing to have someone I will care about. I'm missing everything when in a relationship.

My last relationship was very meaningful to me. It was my first relationship when I thought maturely. I've started to think that relationship is a commitment and is not just about having someone to have sex with. He was so sweet. And, every time I was with him, I felt like I was really happy. It was so sweet of him when he went to school to fetch me. I loved hearing his stories. It was as if perfect.

But everything has need to come to an end. We broke up. He was still "playful." Actually, he is a year younger than I am. He was still immature. He did not want talk about serious things about our relationship. I caught his messages with someone inviting him for sex. It really got into my nerves that time. And he was insisting that it was nothing. I did not even hear him say sorry for what he did. It really ruined everything I had for him. I still loved him then but how could I trust someone like him if he did not know when to apologize when he owes one.

After that relationship, (if he considers it as one) I got fed up. Why did it happen when I was ready to be mature enough to handle a relationship? It was unfair. But, I do not consider it as karma. It was just that I met the wrong person when I was about give my all.

I am still waiting. 2 years and counting...

By the way, out of desperation, I tried to have online chat in IRC in the past couple of days. I was able to talk to 3 people, whom I thought were decent and sensible enough. But then, nothing beyond that happened. It was all online chat. I even tried to use my G4M (now, Planet Romeo) again after being stagnant for a year already. I sent messages to those whom I thought were sensible and were not after-sex-only type. Of course, most of them would ask my pictures. By the way, I did not post my pictures in my account. So, when I sent them, I got no replies already! ahaha! Oh well, that's life. But I have to admit it, it gives me some dabs of depression right now. Maybe, that's why I wrote this. (I cannot write something if I were not motivated.)

So now, the question is, what should I do now?

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