Well, I think I have to write this blog tonight.
I received a SMS this afternoon. It says, “Kain ka na beh.” It came from a guy whom I used to like so much. I replied, “Huh?” I knew that it was not really sent to me. He answered, “Wrong sent.” It was for his partner and not for me. I really knew it. I did not know if he were really teasing me or what. But one thing is for sure, I am over him.
We’ve known each other for a couple of years now. He was introduced to me by a friend from UP. I did not know he was with someone that time. He just informed me about it when I said that I was attracted to him. He warned me about it. But I should admit that I did not listen to him.
He is a cool guy. I like talking to him. He is talkative and sensible. From physical attraction, it ascended to a more complicated attraction. I liked him, really. A partner material indeed. But the problem is he’s committed with someone.
By the way, he’s taller than I am by an inch, I think. One of my waterloos.
I did not give up. I really tried my best to have him. I said that I liked him so much. He was nice to me and so on. It came to a point that he also said that he liked me too. But he could not give up his partner for me. The feeling was mutual. I liked him and he liked me. I became contented with that kind of set-up for a month or two.
Eventually, I became more demanding. I wanted to see him and have a date with him. He always said no as an answer. He kept on telling me that he was busy in school and with his partner. I told him that if he really wanted to see me, he would make ways to meet me up. But he did not exert any effort to see me. So I started nagging him about it as if I were his partner. As I said, I became more demanding. I wanted him to fill in all my needs for a partner. We always had an exchange of arguments, a never-ending one, until I realized I should stop this because it would go nowhere. I told him not to text me anymore. Or, in other words, I wanted to cut off our communication lines.
I did not know what kept me attached to him and vice versa. Our communication lines have become open after 3 months of not talking to each other. This time, it is clear to both of us that we are just friends. But I could not help liking him still. As far as I remember, I told him that I still liked him just to make things clearer. During those times that we met and had a friendly date, I felt that I was being cared for by a “partner”. I appreciated everything that we did during our friendly dates. It became a vicious cycle. I liked him more and more.
Since both of us are of same age, we became busy when we were in our fourth year in college. But I think, I got busier. And as time went on, I rarely talked to him via SMS. I even lost my appetite for him. I treated him the way he treated before (the least priority). We had not seen each other for more than 6 month until he asked me out last July. I invited him to visit my office. After work, we would go and eat out. The moment I saw him, I just wanted to say “Hi! Thanks for the time but I think I do not want to spend more time with you now.” When I thought of this, I knew that I was over him. I do not like him anymore. I do not need someone like him to be inspired. I do not need someone who will treat me as his last priority. I do not need a so-called friend if he cannot be a real friend to me. I am over him. Indeed.
Now, he was just one of the guys I used to like. Nothing more. Nothing less.
its just... a little crush
1 day ago